Ugh... Am sick. There is a pile of crumpled tissues on the table. A mug of orange juice on the opposite side. In fact, I've been alternating between drinking orange juice and honey/apple cider since the morning, in an effort to 'kill the bug'. The only activity was absolutely sloth-y. GTA on the comp and lounging around with tissues as companions. Pretty much that. What a way to spend christmas eve huh? No major dinner either, cos I can't take it anyway and the parents aren't cooking.

Ugh..

I really hope I get better tomorrow. If not, I can't go for christmas service. Which totally sucks on two accounts (a) I can't get to see what happens (b) I really want to bring my mom for this. Oh well....Power of prayer! I can get better!! Please..

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Fantasies. Haha. Been talking with a few select people and read some blogs, and seems like Dav likes to fantasise alot. Haha! Actually, I think it's more like this: Dav is more open about herself than many people. Cos I have a feeling that people actually fantasise on a rather substantial scale. I know I do (My sc teachers used to say I daydream alot). Just that we never tell other people about them cos they can be so inane, ridiculous or plain pompous.

Don't you fantasise alot yourself?

By 'fantasies' I don't mean the sexual kind. I mean those about your future, or your present, or 'alternate versions' of reality now (which means 'your present'. what the hell I'm repeating myself). Fantasies can be different but they usually center around a few key themes: love, self-glorification, power, wealth etc. Sometimes they overlap. I have tons of fantasies haha... and it's amplified by the fact that I play computer games. In computer games, it's a whole new alternate reality. And that makes it incredible fodder for the imagination. For example, I used to have a fantasy that I was a succubus from Diablo. A succubus is some sexy female demon, with bat wings, claws, red eyes and is usually naked or g-stringed (No bras. Demons don't wear bras). And me, the sexy succubus is going to seduce another sexy succubus in Hell. Haha, it was extremely lame. Movies and novels too, feed my(our) fantasies. How many times have you stepped out of an action movie and imagined yourself as the killer-good-looks hero/heroine?

I used to have a lot of fantasies about 'hiding'. In other words, I'm not just the simple student you know. In fact, I have some massive explosive secret in me. I was actually someone special. Kind of like spiderman you know? Student by day, hero by night or something. That 'other me' could be a martial arts expert, some ordinary kid with secret talent, a superhero. Or actually a boy. Yeah, and the day I was revealed to be a boy meant that I could finally go after girls. You know, I think that particular fantasy hinted of my wanting to 'come out' and reveal myself. Cos I had it when I was in Secondary school and was still in denial then. And I guess some fantasies do come true. Even though of cos I'm not a boy, but I'd think that 'boy' was a more like a metaphorical image of that 'real person' hidden inside. There was also another fantasy that came true for me. I always wanted to be softball captain and I did make it in the end. But I never fantasised about what it was like being captain, I only fantasised about becoming captain. So actually, I didn't really dwell on and develop that softball fantasy And for that I realised one thing, along with other fantasies, is that... whatever you imagine your future to be, does not come true most of the time. Especially elaborate, detailed fantasies. In fact, it seems like if I imgaine it, I'll jinx it and it won't ever happen.

And I guess most people also fantasise about this: what love is like. I used to have 'The Blue Lagoon'-style fantasies. Like me and another girl is marooned on a remote tropical island, and since I'll be her only companion for all eternity, she has no choice but to love yours truly. Haha! Evil heh? And somehow, the 'other girl' always looks like some current hot model that I was crushing on. Right now, 'she' looks like A. A.. Sometimes, there would be intruders in the form of tribal cannibals or foreign pirates, but these were only distractions (think: tanned muscular bods). Love fantasies are usually my favourite. They are fun to imagine!

Then we have fantasies about our future. What we'd be working as... I always envisioned myself as disgustingly rich. *picture dollar signs etched onto my eyeballs* And I became rich through either being a great business woman, fashion designer (so I can get close to hot models too), or through some other fabulous means.

But then, my most outrageous and craziest fantasy is this: In the future, I've become an expert in Mandarin and I travel around China in search of my roots and family tree. That I actually loved chinese culture and Cai Lao Shi was so proud. That is the most 'cocked-up' fantasy ever. I have no idea what overcame me to actually wish my future to be like that...

Well, anyway, pardon moi, but a tiger is about to eat my dear Alessandra and I have to save her with my mighty spear... Rrrraaooow!!