Friday, February 20, 2009

Some days I wish I had the answer.

Is there a point in searching for the answer to the exam that you took a semester ago. The grades don't matter anymore. Even if you get it right, or wrong, it changes nothing. But you still want to find out, don't you. Then again, you kind of know what the answer is already. Are you sure that's what you want to see.

I don't know. If something meant to be good, brings you down instead. If people say it should keep your head up but has only made your eyes downcast. If we're supposed to look forward but fuck I can't shake reality. Not even when new boys start singing your praises.

Thoughts serve no purpose. I try my best to be in the moment. And in this place, it has been extremely helpful. But not always. Not always. I can feel time passing. And know not what to expect.



Maybe not from the sources you have poured yours.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

You know what I love about the US? Is that you'll never know who you're going to meet next. And I've been meeting the most incredible people.

Just three days ago in Hawaii, I met one of the biggest billionaires there. Had breakfast with him and went surfing and canoe surfing. He gave me one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life-- surfing.

Just last night, I met the most amazing guy I have ever encountered. We sat next to each other in the computer lab, and due to one simple question, ended up talking for almost 6 hours. I watched the sky turn from light to dark from behind his head. And the stories he told me, I would never be able to hear anywhere else. What is the likelihood that I would meet someone like that.

Is God smiling upon me or what? Yes I may have lost my camera. But look at the serendipity that occurs. In a while, the computer lab guy is going to help me solve one of my biggest challenges ever. And I seriously hope that the hack will work.

Life is good in America. There are so many activities everyday. California is huge, everyone's planning to do something, go for a hike, go shopping, go chill. The locals hang out with the exchange students, and some of my favourite buddies are those not from Asia. Even though europe and asia are so different, the people aren't so different after all.

It's funny how the more I talk to the americans, the more you realise so many of them hold the same views as you do. The same ideas about independence and breaking new grounds and going against the grain. Just like the guy in the computer lab.

And yet before I left, many told me that mindsets over here are different. Really? So many of the asian exchange students keep telling me to be more safe, and travel in groups. They keep feeling and appearing scared in the train stations and getting anxious. And yet I've been ignoring all that and doing whatever I wanted on my own, exploring supposedly dangerous downtown LA on my own. So many of the asians keep saying that oh, we mix better with asians and the europeans/americans are different, so we don't mix with them. Yet the people I've had the most amazing conversations with have been the whites, the jews, the blacks, the mixed and god-knows-what-ethnicity-are-you.


Maybe I've just found the people who think like me, finally. Or maybe it's just the diversity at USC. If there's one thing I learnt about over here. Is that your colour, does not determine whether you will sync with the next person.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It has been a month in Los Angeles. But time flies so fast over here, I feel like it's only been 2 weeks. There's always so many things to do. My day ends so fast, the night gets dark at 6pm and it turns really cold. I always under-dress and end up freezing under the onslaught of wind at night. It has been raining on and off the past few days. The cold cuts right through to the bone, and note, it's mostly my fault cos I've been under-dressing.

I haven't got much plans for today and tomorrow. I think I'm going to take it easy and rest up for my big trip coming. Got to wake up really early to get the car to the airport. It'll be a huge HUGE change in weather in 5 hours, from temperate to tropical. But gosh I swear I cannot wait. It's been hard trying to sleep the past few days cos Hawaii hawaii is all that is on my mind right now. Doesn't help that you keep bumping into classmates and people who have gone to Hawaii and you gush together about the impending trip.

I am so broke now, I am starving. Seriously. I thought I would grow fat in LA, but maybe not. On top of that, I've been running the past few days to get in shape for Hawaii. Haha, absolutely vain but I intend to spend most of my time in swimwear. It does not make sense to put a shirt on if I'm going to take it off at the next beach I get to. So far, I've been exercising an ungodly amount of self-control. When I travel out of campus on my own, I frequently pass by all these delis and small stores selling delectable bites of food and I hold back frequently, mostly because I am cash-strapped, secondly cos it's calorie-laden. Back at my apartment I try to space out my fresh food, and usually I only eat fresh stuff because I don't want to succumb to microwave dinners just to save some dollars. Health is wealth so fresh food is a must. Ironically I eat less cos what I eat is expensive. But let's just say I make brilliant sandwiches and salads, given the interesting ingredients that I can put in.

This morning I sauteed onions and mushrooms together in soy sauce and topped it off on a slice of toast with cheddar and creamy avocado. Omg it was magical.

Okay, yours truly is really hungry now. Very very hungry. I need to get back soon to eat.

Monday, February 09, 2009

In 2 days, I will be going to Hawaii.

Bought the plane and hotel tickets on a whim last Friday. Spurred on by a local girl who kept gushing about Hawaii over lunch. Went home and researched the entire afternoon, bought the tickets (at lastminutedeals.com haha) and rounded up a group to go after dinner. Omg.

Words.... cannot describe how excited I am to go Hawaii. Within hours of an idea, I am going to Hawaii in 4 days after the decision was made. Skipping school, staying 6 days and 5 nights in beach land. OMG.



OMG I AM GOING TO HAWAII!!!!!!





Hmm, what shall I do during the long weekend next week? -ponders-
Why... go to Hawaii of cos!!

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Without a second thought
It all became a silly a game
Somethings cannot be bought

I got exactly what I asked for
Wanted it so badly
Running, rushing back for more
I suffered fools so gladly

And now I find
I've changed my mind

(You see)

The face of you
My substitute for love
My substitute for love
Should I wait for you


----- "Drowned World", Madonna




Run halfway across the world, only to come right back to a reflection.