Sunday, September 30, 2007

I love this story. I think there is no greater courage than those who stand up for who they are -- no matter how reviled by society they might be.
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Synopsis:
By Jeffrey Archer, who has a regular column in OUT
magazine. Quite a poignant piece about gay youths in school who dare to
admit their sexuality and their impact on those who remain in the closet.

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On Stark Street in Portland, I come face-to-face with my own personal Jesus.
It's Jeffrey Patterson. He made it out alive?

I was once a Beaverton High School Beaver. I felt isolated, for several
reasons. At pep rallies we gleefully sang the alma mater "Hats off to
Beavers, here they come!" Imagine the trauma. When I ran track, friends and
family chanted "Go, Beavers!" meaning to encourage me.

Then there was health class. "This lesion is a chancre," Mr. Bubala
explained, pointing to the syphilitic penis on the STD slide show. "It weeps
a highly contagious mucus." Other students groaned in disgust, but not me. I
got an erection.

STDs warranted discussion in class because (heaven forbid) they might affect
us. Homosexuality, however, was prohibited by the school district. It wasn't
taught as right or wrong – it just wasn't taught. As if it didn't exist. As
if I didn't exist. Pubic lice can exist, but not me?

There was one ray of hope, and it had an aquiline nose, wore earrings, and
kept to itself. It was Jeffrey Patterson: misfit beaver. The only gay in the
village. Before gays on TV, before MySpace or Manhunt or the World Wide Web,
it was just Jeffrey.

We weren't friends. I didn't want the guilt by association. Besides, I
didn't want his friendship. I wanted to jump his bones. Really bad. I
dreamed the penis I saw in health class was Jeffrey's. As a refresher, I'd
hit the library medical reference book, turn to the photo of a penis oozing
with the clap, and fantasize about him.

Mostly, though, I tried not to think about it. I bled my libido by running
long-distance (the great Oregonian pastime), but when I chanced to see
Jeffrey in the hall, my heart pounded and all bets were off. I raced to the
nearest restroom and anxiously waited for him to bust down the stall door
and molest me. But he never did.

Jeffrey was relentlessly tortured for being gay. They accused me too, but
how dare they? I hid behind a smoke screen of varsity sports and
girlfriends. Go, Beavers! The bullets were deflected onto Jeffrey. He
shielded me and took the hits because – phew! – he never denied.

Once, Jeffrey penned a letter to the school paper. In it he wrote how
teachers would blithely watch him being gay-bashed and do nothing to stop
it. He wondered why. He asked the student body to take a look inward; he
asked them to stop hurting him. I know they never did.

I read that letter again and again. Jeffrey existed; so did I, so did
others. It was proof in print. Here was the sign of life on Mars. Jeffrey
represented. Because of him, I wasn't alone. But who showed him he wasn't
alone? Where was I while Jeffrey ran frontline interference for team 10%?
Jacking off to syphilis.

The only thing I represented was the silence of the school district. I
played the game of the pop singer prancing around his sexuality, of the
married man covertly meeting men for sex on the down low. I represented
those people, the ones who trivialize the courage of people like Jeffrey.

At BHS, I was an all-state athlete, class vice president, and valedictorian.
I'm not certain Jeffrey even graduated, but he reduces me to a fawning
acolyte. I see him now in Portland and throw a ticker-tape parade of
gratitude. Then, lowly, I try to atone for what I could've, should've,
didn't do for him. I come very close to singing that song from Beaches.

Jeffrey listens, gracious and sweet. Shy, like he always was. My heart
pounds, like it used to. I'm still in awe of him, still starstruck. For all
the right reasons I still want to jump his bones, and for the exact same
reasons it's all too clear I'll never be worthy.

Dear Lord and Father of mankind, forgive my foolish ways....

There is no purer or lovelier hymn than this one above....










In times of trials and tests, dear child of God, you stand on solid ground and in the beauty of His peace.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Random thoughts running through my head after the past few days:

On thursday and friday, I spend more than 12 hours in school for both days. And it was non-stop class after class after project meetings after cca meetings after cca stuff to settle. No break man. Really no break.
Except for that short while after Frisbee playing, I went to SIS and sat in a cool, air-conditioned gsr just to cool down and rest. Had some very sobering thoughts then.

Somehow I wasn't that tired despite the long hours on both days. On friday night, I even considered going to party with the boys who are celebrating Jeremy's homecoming. But I decided a shower and a sleep was more crucial than drinks and Mo x/play.

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My two ccas are juxtapositions of each other.

One is riding high on the wave of success, building and improving upon the older seniors' work, the other seems to be going down the drain, receding in progress.

We changed certain things in TM this semester. For a start, we scheduled all meetings according to the school calender. So for the first 6 (freer) weeks in school, we had meeting every Tuesday night instead of fortnightly. Then we are taking breaks for the mid-terms and finals, and we decided to meet sporadically during the crazy post-week break period. And our first two meetings were purely publicity and marketing related. It was just introductory meetings, showcasing the best speakers of the club, filled with icebreakers and get-to-know-freshie activities and usually ends with some call to action for newbies to sign up.

Even though it was insane to have meeting every freaking Tuesday (Can you imagine, I have to email a dozen outsiders each time to get external visitors as well) becos I had to plan all of them. I guess it all paid off, we now have lots more new members and a pretty huge intake. Haha, the price we paid didn't come that cheap either. Every single meeting, we had lavish catering. So now the club is poorer by almost $400, despite our surpluses from this and last semester.

Also, you can identify that the dedicated group of members (the kind that will stay with the club) are quite big. So that means less headache when we're handing over next semester. There is, also, a new girl who speaks exceptionally well. Sometimes you can be a great presenter, with loads of style and flair, but if your written speech has no substance, you still won't hit real paydirt. But her writing is very good, very captivating. In fact, she reminds me of me. Haha *egomania alert! okok stopit!*. Maybe she'll be the next Toastmaster queen...

Currently, I'm quite overwhelmed by the new members' enthusiasm. All the speaking slots have been fully booked till 30th October. This means that everyone wants a chance to do a prepared speech, and in the past, it was sometimes difficult to fill speaking slots. Now, I don't go after people, I just wait for them to come after me! =D

And ooh! Another toastmaster whom I met at a club visit, is starting to talk to me about 'first job'...... mmmmm. That and also, the H R direc tor from UBS made a mention of SM U toastmasters potentially being future employees.... =D Hopefully I'll be able to find some internship through the TM network, so I don't have to jostle and go through interview processes with the other undergrads.

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Softball? Sighs... My vp is quitting, and it doesn't bode that well cos I find it easiest to consult him and tell him frank stuff about the club. Oh wells, changes changes... you just gotta deal with them.


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On another note, I'm quite psyched for the December trip. Have been trying to get myself used to strong air-conditioning, so as to prep myself for the low temperatures there (at night it can be -10degrees, I heard). I also have a great working relationship with my very capable design/painting partner! Thank goodness she knows adobe! (Cos I suck at it). I can then focus on the physical art (which is her weakness) and she can focus on her forte (computer stuff) which is my weakness. Complementary!

YAYS!

Also, jeremy is now out of BMT and has a shaven head. I am sooo going to tease him tomorrow....


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Note to self: Do not. I repeat, do not... care about it.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The best thing about sports fi esta is playing Frisbee!

Manning the softball throwing/batting booth was damn killer. Especially when you're not dressed for the hot sun and sweltering heat. But later, I was really bored, so I borrowed a Frisbee and started throwing around! Wheee..... Frisbee is actually, QUITE fun! Even though it was hot and I was going to sweat buckets in my not-made-for-sports clothes and jeans, I didn't care.

Playing Frisbee in an over-crowded small patch of green can be a very dangerous idea. We weren't very accurate, so there were many times we threw and hit other people. I lost count how many times I apologised to stunned people. There was once where I threw and it hit a guy squarely on his ass, he spun around and gave the confused look. Lols. Then another time, I tried to utilise a different style of throwing and it backfired! It went all crazy and the Frisbee was wiggling through the air in a very unstable manner, and it nearly clipped the heads of many people (when it flitted through a crowd of heads). Super scary.

But fun!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

http://projectnamaste2.blogspot.com/

Hi all,

please check out this website. A group of students, myself included, will be going up to Ne pal this December for a community involvement project. We are currently engaging in a fund-raising drive and we need to raise the amount of more than $7k in TWO months!! Any little bit of help will definitely go a long way in helping us meet that amount so that we can adequately help the villagers in the mountains.

Click the link to check out what we have in store!

(p.s. its a very unique way of celebrating Christmas and Chinese New year... a post card that actually makes a difference, instead of enriching the profit-maximising faceless big commercial firms.)

hi all!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

(The designer is a pro, ah wells, the talents of homosexuals....)



My baby =) Our baby =)...

"Action without plan is a useless venture, a plan without action is nothing but a dream."

Sunday, September 23, 2007

More sticky rice queen stuff!

A music video =DDD *chio bu alert!*

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Yay! Am very happy today!

Actually, I was quite conflicted in the morning...

Do I stay at home to rest/recuperate/catch up on work. Or do I go for T M competition... which is like damn far away in Tan ah Merah.

In the end, I decided to go for the competition, somehow I knew I'd feel guilty if I don't go since I'm already feeling better after the flu. Well enough to speak aloud to a crowd that is. So yeah, I went.

Was quite scared at first, when I saw the quality of my competition. One of the competitors was a DTM, i.e. he had reached the highest rank achievable in Toastmasters hierarchy. And that signifies that one is probably a toastmaster for many years already (4-5 at least). Plus, he had graying hair, therefore mature, therefore full of life experiences, therefore having an edge over me. As usual, all the other competitors were older than me, mostly men. Was quite intimidating.

Kept telling William.. what the heck am I doing here... this is crazy... ohhhmigawwdd...

Plus, this would only be the third time that I'm doing an evaluation.

Now I've mentioned what table topics is, and what prepared speech is. But I've never really talked about evaluations in Toastmasters, and that's becos it's something I've never done until 3 weeks ago. Evaluations are basically semi-impromptu speeches that you give after someone has presented a prepared speech. In your evaluation, you're suppose to critique the prepared speech on its merits and demerits, and offer suggestions for improvement. I've always shunned evaluation cos I thought they were kinda scary. It's like.. not here not there, half-impromptu half-prepared, and alot of what you say depends on the prepared speech given. Plus there is very very little time to prepare, yet unlike table topics, you can't just crap out something on the spot and hope it fools the audience. In evaluation, you gotta have substance and really remember/use material from the prepared speech. If not, it's very obvious that you flubbed it. There's also some memory work involved.

I finally decided to give evaluation a try when there was no other person available for me to arrow to evaluate. First evaluation was pretty crappy. I was so nervous I kept calling the presenter by the wrong name. Second evaluation was much better, managed to use some of the techniques I've seen. Third evaluation was going to be in competition! Which I was kinda sai-kanged into cos there was no one else to do it, and the area governor wanted me to join.

So yes, I ended up at a country club in the East today, nose clogged, wondering what the heck am I doing here amongst higher-ups. But you know, a toastmaster's gotta do what a toastmaster's gotta do. So when the presenter was giving the test speech, there was I with the rest of the contestants, furiously scribbling down comments and trying to assess the speaker whilst she spoke. In my head I was like, my gosh this is tough shit. When you're faced with someone who speaks damn fast, it's very hard to catch what they're saying. Frankly, I don't know what the hell the speaker's points were at the end of the speech. I still don't know. That's how quick everything was in that 6 minute speech.

Later, contestants were led out to a private area where we are allowed 5 minutes to prepare for our evaluations. As I wrote I trembled man, and as I waited for my turn I trembled some more. Seriously! I was visibly shaky and was afraid the guy in front of me can see my quivering hands. I know I have some good material... but. What the heck am I doing here!!!....

When it came to my turn, I entered the room, sat at the side and waited to be called upon. The heart was pounding, pounding like crazy. The kind of pounding I felt when I took my driving test. Then the contest emcee called me, and I stood up...



And there in the split second I had a shift in mindset....



....Three hours later, I came home with a champion trophy. In two weeks' time I'll be representing my area (kind of like a 'zone of 6 clubs') in the division stage contest. If I win that, I represent Singapore in the District [regional] contest. Which is like... an opportunity I can't even fathom. But now that I've won, there's also alot of pressure, and anxiety, ... to win the next stage. For my past contests, I came expecting nothing, but left with higher expectations each time after each win. And I don't know if this added pressure is a good thing or not, cos previously I was all jovial up till the last minute. So technically, I didn't place any pressure on myself. Now.. it's abit different. But I do know however...


that you got to speak like you've already won.

That's the mindset shift. And that's how my third evaluation bagged me a trophy woohoo!! All the way from the US some more!



Arrogance has its merits.


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okok shall stop the ego-inflation... just that I'm pretty shocked myself. Heheh, and to think I almost didn't went! *slaps forehead*

Friday, September 21, 2007

http://youtube.com/watch?v=gSP6p2N6Vfw

Funny video!

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Anyways, softball in school ... is threatening to become one big sausage fest. It's like ... the army. There are just soooo mannnnyyy men in the team, like they keep joining non-stop! Today, although I didn't turn up for training cos I'm sick, I heard that 2 new guys dropped by. My goodness.

I think there is almost 20 guys in the team already... TWENTY! And half of them, are all dedicated freshmen guys.

Tuesday night, at ex co meeting, cla ire was so fed up she said, "I can't stand all this testosterone!" Hahaha, in fact, exco meeting was extremely hilarious. With cla ire declaring herself lesbian in desperation and saying there needs to be more girls in the team. And "Gimme all the hot guys and girls and put them under me [for the contact list]!" -cl aire. Plus most of the guys are single, that makes the testosterone/smell of desperation worse. The guys want girls so that they can jio them. Or at least, that's the impression I'm getting from jo o. Haha.

Some suggestions for attracting new girls was... copying the marketing format of soccer or touch rugby, e.g. we could have a diva la soft ball. But then since it was very obvious that it was copied, we thought of a "ah-lians la softball" [ with cl aire as our model haha], and also a "menas la softball" [with a bu, the only malay guy in our team, in drag in the photo]. This. of cos. We didn't take this part of the discussion seriously.

Which brings me to the second point:

Why. Are all my ccas so male-dominated? And on the other hand, why is my CIP so female-dominated? (I'm totally not complaining, but it just seems odd since alot of heavy manual labour would need to be done. Also, is it just me or does it seem that most of the girls are in the good-looking category. Is there some other unspoken/unconscious criteria in the minds of my 3 male leaders? Does that mean that I also fall in that category?? Hahahha, just kidding of cos. KIDDING.)


Sighs... . I missed my training/outlet today. Thus, am grouchy.


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Announcement: Will be gone from Singapore from the 4th to 27th of December. Yes, I'm spending almost a month there. Barely any holiday left for me when I return. Plus I'm missing the pre-christmas period of reckless and insane partying, which is very VERY saddening and tough to swallow. But then again, if I don't grab this chance to sightsee while overseas, I'll regret it. I just hope that people will somehow plan post-christmas parties, and new year would be an even bigger, more smashing time of partying. Mmmm...

Wow. Very soon. And it'll be 2008 already. And then I'll be twenty..... ONE..






OH MY GAWWWWWD!!!!!!!

*shrivels into an old wizen witch*

So I am sick. Once again.

I think my tuition kid passed it to me. Cos the lesson we had last time, there was a massive green booger sticking out of his nose. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. But it was painful to look at him. Really painful.

Haha.

I don't want to blog about the cons of illness and the many things I could've accomplished had I not been ill (like I could have gone to training, which I need cos I haven't exercised in awhile. Though my weight is going down, mainly due to sickness and lack of eating cos of sickness)

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On another note, I've discovered Sugar Rush! Not too bad a sitcom... not bad, very tongue-in-cheek, but I'd rather prefer S O N though.

Other things... Am abit freaked by this guy I met who occasionally drops me weird smses about asking for money, and keeps calling to ask me out. Maybe, perhaps, I shouldn't have gone up to speak to a total stranger. Or maybe, I'm just creating this result. I don't know. Hmmm.

I think I'm falling sick cos I'm quite stressed. There is so so many things to do....


But I don't feel like doing them. Like study for quizzes for example. And my inbox now is 70% Toastmasters emails and 10% nepal stuff and the remaining 10% is whatever miscellaneous academia-related or project emails.

[Shall resist tremendous urge to grudge about workload and burdens!]

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I just want to hang out with people at the moment. Staying at home with just your maid and fishes for company while you're sick, is a picture of "Sigh..."

Monday, September 17, 2007

Finally visited the new church premise yesterday. It was like.. whoa.... The moment I existed the lift and entered the foyer leading to the worship area, I'm greeted by a very chic-minimalist pitch-black wall, with the name of the church imprinted very neatly and chic-ly in white at the side (center-right). And my first thought was... "This is so jo rg. Lols"

It's like I've just entered a swanky professional agency/office.

Overall, the worship area size is about the same as the previous church venue (in fact, somehow the old space feels larger...). Refreshments have gotten really over the top. We had a new drinks dispenser, you know the kind whereby the liquid is constantly being churned by a machine, and you find stuff like milo, water chestnut drink, bandung or whatever churning inside the plastic machine at kopitiam drinks stalls? Yup, it's that kind. I was damn amazed to see it. Like, which church actually invests in this stuff? Lols, it's kinda amusing.

It's great to be finally back in church after so long, and partake in worship, and just being in His presence. It's a rare feeling of peace these days. For a moment, you become a little less self-centered in your own world, and realise that for everything you do, there is a nobler cause to devote it to.

God bless all who struggle out there =)


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After church, went for iris cell. We met at tcc (again! lols), this time at Clarke Quay. Had a mango yoghurt drink cos I was craving something indian-ish to taste after saturday night. Was hoping it will be abit like lassi, but it was too sweet and not sour enough. Oh wells. It's TCC, what do you expect? Naan and chapatis???

V S came and asked alot of questions purtaining to homosexuality and reconciliation with Christianity. I shouldn't be, but I was rather irritated by her questions. Sometimes, to me, tackling such issues felt like one is taking a step back from where one is at. Iris is a christian group that was not meant for the conflicted, it was for those who had already reconciled and had moved on to other issues in the Bible. And to go back to the 'basics' felt like I'm back at square one again. And what the heck am I doing at square one???

That's not to say that I dislike discussing reconcilliation issues, or that I'm irritated with anyone who is conflicted. It's just that when you talk and the other person isn't making sense (or doesn't seem to be even trying to make sense), it just gets on your nerves alot. Like I'm using probing questions to draw you out here, but you're talking in illogical circles and without any 'grounding' in anything. Everything's just based on 'feelings', I feel this I feel that, therefore it's right or wrong. Like... huh??

Sorry, but ya. Hence you see my frustration. Was tired from it, so after awhile, I just laid on the couch and slept/napped while the rest continued chatting.

My thoughts after the whole episode was... "You can lead a horse to water, but it has to drink for itself." True. So true.

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Dinner later was much better! Had jap fast food at meidi ya in liang court. Man I tell you, I luuuurvve that supermarket! If you know me well enough, you'd know that one of my favourite pastimes is to browse displays of food in supermarkets. It never fails to captivate the consumer in me. Or rather, the foodie. I saw otoro sashimi being sold in that supermarket. Otoro sashimi!! Can you believe it? That's like ... the most expensive grade of tuna belly you can find... in a freakin' supermarket. And of cos, it costs $25 for 5 thick slices. That's $5 for each sashimi slice you pop in your mouth. But man... it looked soooo goood. Pure layers of luscious pale-pink tuna fat marbled over the entire surface of the moist, plump tuna meat. Mmmmm. I can't even imagine what that tastes like...

[This reminds me of a side-joke that Jeremy always use to tease the lesbians, or me rather. He would always say we like sushi/sashimi cos of girl-on-girl **** sex. "Sashimi anyone?", cue the cheeky look shot by Jeremy to me. And I'll go "-_-".... hahaha, unfortunately now, the dude has been drafted into the army... Hope he's alright and doing fine. =) ]

I want to try otoro before I die. At least once, in my life. Screw the environmentalists, I just want a taste. Never mind the dying tuna population, I'm already doing my bit by swearing off sharks fin at age 9. (Yeah it's true! I absolutely refuse to eat the stuff. Even if it's free, and in front of me. Shark's fin to me is like... pork to a muslim)

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Food-lover tay seeks cheap khulfi ice cream, fortune cookies (for toastmasters, don't ask) and great cheap food cafes to hang out. Even better, where can she find good quality, yet affordable, value-for-money otoro sashimi. Restaurants always sell it at $50 and above. Obviously, out of budget limits here.

Suggestions please.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

YAY!!!

I got into project na mas te! This means I'm going for my Nepal CIP trip in December. Whooopiee!!! It's so interesting isn't it? CIP in a cold country. On a mountain top. You face different problems there, instead of heat waves, you get altitude sickness.


Coool.

And I've been put in charge of ... get this... "painting/design"! LOLSSSS!! It's so cute! Am very glad I got put into this committee (in fact I'm the committee head), becos it's like doing something that you love! It's like C T project all over again, everyday you do the things you enjoy. Art! I think I'll be designing murals to be painted on the classroom/library walls. Hmmmm... Quite interesting. It also sounds like my toughest art project yet. It's a huge canvas that I'm going to be dealing with....

But hey, I rather do this over any @$##%@*!!! business project any day.


Cool!

It's going to be hectic. With softball and toastmasters and now.... a third commitment which (I promised them if they choose me) will override all the others. It's going to be such a juggle. Besides the time commitment, I have two other worries: 1) Hygiene conditions over there (THIS is my biggest bugbear)... and I pray as hell I won't kenna period then. 2) Bidding for modules when I return on 22nd Dec. That is like.. how late (and sounds like in the middle of bidding week). I don't want my bidding/bidding groups to screw up again like this semester. So I must somehow... arrange bidding stuff while overseas?? In a land with no internet/laptop for my use... and sky-high handphone bills. It's going to be worse than ying trying to bid for mods while in camp in the US. At least she's near civilisation then. Where the heck am I going to find a computer to do bidding?? Or even the time to negotiate/discuss bidding with the people I want to bid with? Goodness. Oh goshhh.... I need some sort of a miracle.

But still. I need to complete CIP. Like asap. And if you're given the chance to do something different.. like go to Nepal. And do the things that is in your element - art. You must be mad to give it up. MAD. So I'm going to stick to this like chewing gum. Some compromises just have to be made. I guess.

Sighs...

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Today, after the youth group meeting at the office, we went to eat indian food at little india. It was really awesome! Man I love naans! And lovely thick curries and gravies to slop it up with. Little India is full of all kinds of indian restaurants, at pretty okay prices too. We went to an air-conditioned one that was quite popular, and ordered a variety of food. For example, we had a 'bread basket', which consisted of assorted naans. Think plain, butter, chive, cheesy (oh this was awesomez!) and garlic naans, all piled in a smoking heap of slightly charred, dough-y goodness. Then there was chicken tikka (I think), tandoori chicken, mixed chaat (which is like some weird but amazingly tasty sweet gravy filled with lentil/bean-like stuff such as chickpeas, tomato and potato cubes, and fried pieces of flour crackers), lentil soup, fragrant fried potatoes, and drinks such as masala spiced tea and mango lassi. It wasn't that much food, but somehow, was very filling.

All for the price of $12 each. Mmmm. I love my naans =)

Oh and here's a 'naan' joke that was shared over dinner:

A customer walked into a restaurant and asked, "Do you serve naan here?"

Waitor: "Oh, we have none."

Customer: "Okay I shall have naan then!"

Geddit? Geddit? Hahaha.... okay... maybe not so funny. Lols.

After dinner, we had dessert at a Khul fi bar! That's north indian ice cream for you... made with goat's milk, honey, real fruits and no artificial chemicals. It felt rather healthy to eat indeed. Plus it is served with a garnishing of nuts (pistachio, almond, whatever you want). I really like khulfi. It tastes very nice and mild (not too sickly sweet, and certainly not very heavy, but not cheap-skate light like sorbet either), and very refreshing. Unfortunately, though the bar we went had very good decor and ambience, it was also shockingly expensive. $6.90 for a scoop and some scattered nuts. Like... huh?

I have now made it my mission to find a place that sells affordable khulfi ice cream. Man I love it! It's like eating ice cream that doesn't feel fattening at all. I felt zero guilt after eating it. No kidding!

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There are some places in Singapore that never fails to amaze you. And there are also some places that seem like the dullest spots on earth. Like City Hall for example. You have no idea how borring and dull and sickening that place is for me. It's like I pass through the same stretch of nondescript, cookie-cutter pavement, typical bushes, building columns, everyday on my way to school. The people are all the same. All
dead-looking. And it's all too familiar and predictable.

But there are places that always seem to entrance you.

Like Little India for example, it's like you've stepped into another new world and are seeing all these new and weird things for the first time--- everytime. Today as I walked down the narrow streets, you see different and varied store signs all around. Mama shops selling a variety of knick-knacks and cheap foods, and interesting imported stuff from India/Sri Lanka/Bangladesh. You see many stores selling flower garlands, coconuts (??) with their husks still on, indian sweets, pottery etc. Sometimes you pass by music stores and they are blaring hindi hits. And everyone around you is talking in some indian dialect. Sometimes tamil. A symphony that is strange to my munjen ears. Then you see the ubiquitious goldsmiths. And the most fascinating thing is the fact that the goldsmiths are packed. Packed like Mango on the first day of sales season. All customers looking furious and absolutely serious in their buying business. I've never seen a jewellery store so packed before.

Do Indians buy gold on a regular basis??? Hmmm, even my indian friend next to me had no idea why....

Then you see the indian form of grocers. Unlike the chinese who do their shopping wayyy early in the morning, the indians do it wayyy late in the night. You see big light bulbs lighting up roadside stores which are distinguished by their heavily vegetable-laden wooden set-ups. Stacks and stacks of vegetables stored high, huge banana leaves unfurled and splayed out for everyone to inspect, long cylindrical white hard-looking vegetables I've never seen before, mountains of tomatoes and plateaus of very artistically stacked carrots. It looks more "prosperous" than the typical wet markets of the chinese heartlands. And it's all occuring in the din of the night. Ben enlightened and told me that for the indian grocers, they only get their stock from the wholesalers in the evening (as there are 2 shifts for wholesalers-early in the morning, and in the evening). As a result, the 'freshest' buying occurs at night. Very interesting.

Even the scenery near my house is awe-inspiring sometimes. The undulating hills near the flats, the fallen leaves by the wet concrete pavement, the rustle of small leaves in the trees (in 'Autumn' a.k.a. after mid-year, when the winds blow, many of these tiny leaves which have now turned a shade of yellow, will shimmer and fall to the ground like snowflakes all around you. It's very beautiful to be caught in a maelstrom of tiny, floating, yellow leaves as you walk on the pathway home. Makes you feel like you're in Australia or something.). And of cos, you have the hellavu jungle that is near my house, that used to be a fruit orchard and which all manner of fruits and interesting pussy-like flowers can be found in it. Which is blatantly and illegally accessed by knowing residents nearby, to harvest (illegally) free fruits and durians during season. I myself acquired a pillow-sized jackfruit before, and a couple of chocolate caocao beans. I've seen many other cool things in it, like the forests upon forests of tapioca crops. How. Utterly. Cool. For a backyard. (It's also a great place to impress your date if she's the adventurous type!)

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Unseen Singapore is Uniquely Singapore. Everything else is imported culture.


Can someone tell me where I can find good cheap khulfi? =)


Or at least play squash with me? Hee.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Brain is fried and tired.

I look in the mirror and I'm like black kay. Black. My skin is peeling and very soon I'll return to my usual shade of pale (that is, if the sun doesn't come out during training).

On another note, my lunch classes have been quite the dieter's miracle. Its like you don't even have time to have a proper lunch meal, that I've to resort to bringing fruits to lessons and having that for lunch. That plus the fact that I'm trying my best to cut down on expenditure (so that hopefully, I can fund my comic book hobby and pay off my tithe for church), so I try not to buy school food. Cos even the fruits in the kopi tiam costs a freaking bomb (in relative terms).

And voila! I now automatically eat less~! But seriously, green apple every Tuesday and Thursday for lunch is making me puke. I need different fruits, am getting very sick of the sour green apple taste. Ah well, beggars can't be choosers.

I realised the reasons for my feeling down and depressed the past few weeks. It's the whole school syndrome thingy. You're so caught up in school activities that you don't even have time for your outside life. No time to go church/cell, meet the friends outside school etc. It feels really lonely and a tiresome existence this way. At least today, finally got to catch up with mi ndy. And this sat, I was supposed to meet gay le and ros, but it got scrapped... so... sighs.... At least this sunday I can go church! And then for iris cell!~

Like finally.... after a million years. I am seeing the people in my life again.

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And I still want to play squash! Who wants to play squash? I need some physical activity. The house treadmill isn't very enticing at the moment, I've been ignoring it for awhile.




*E lsa just wanna run about and squeal, and she misses squash-ing*

Monday, September 10, 2007

you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it

maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at

trust your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you

all is full of love
you just aint receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love!

------------ "All is full of love", bjork

Confessions of a sticky rice queen:

Firstly, what's a rice queen? Someone who likes their Asians/chinese. What's a potato queen? Someone who likes ang mohs. So what's a sticky rice queen? A chinese who likes chinese. Get it? The rice sticks together. Lols.....

Anyways, perhaps its the whole idea of being visually fed on chinese beauty since young... in s c gs, it's chinese girls galore. Everywhere. Short, fat, thin, tall long haired short haired tanned fair curvy skinny etc. I've seen them all. All the good-looking ones also happened to be chinese. Not surprising, if you consider your school population to be 99.999999% chinese.

Watching a whole variety of lesbian movies have made me discover this sticky rice queen status. Like my deep-down favourites are the chinese ones. Especially the period shows, the ones set in 1800s maoist era or when the dynasties were still around. I thought those were really hot. Repression on screen is somehow, very strangely sexy. That plus the fact that the chinese leads are so much more relatable. Case in point: Saving face was awesome, and I think it had alot to do with the cultural references and familiar chinese chio bu thing going on.

So if you feel like watching some lesbian movies with the chinese theme. Here are some titles I've watched recently (can all be found and googled on youtube)

1. The chinese botanist's daughters (Very nice! The main character is drool-worthy)
2. Peony Pavillion (quite a warped storyline, but with a hot daniel wu in it for all the bi girls out there)

I wanna watch spider lilies. But does anyone know where I can watch the movie online with eng subtitles?

Lastly, maggie q looks hot in balls of fury! The whole cheongsam get-up makes it all the sexier! Woot!

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I've also recently watched Agressives. This documentary is pretty cool and informational. Mel, you might be interested in this?

Competition is over. And that is so sad. Cos now there is nothing to look forward to.

Sighs....School can be very depressing.



I realise I miss squash terribly. I feel like playing.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Am upset over batting. It's so crappy that I wanna bang my head against the wall. Why why why??

I must get out of the, can-bat-in-training, can't-bat-in-game mental blockade. It's been plaguing me since... like.. forever. The last time I remember hitting well in games was like ... in j1??? Wahhhh crapz. Sighs, I don't know what to do. Didn't bring home a bat (I forgot to!), so it's not like I can practice swing.

Hai. I need to improve the situation! Since there is no bat, I need to do some visualisations.

Hmm.


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Do you sometimes do silly fun things with your family?

I do.

Sometimes, I force my sister to 'throw ball' with me. It all started after O levels, when I was like yay! I'm finally going to a school with a softball cca. So me being over-eager, decided I should prep for it! So I took a squidgy, stress ball, and started throwing it around with my sister in the house. Just to practice catching a smaller than usual ball with my left hand. So we'll throw throw throw, and along the way we started talking nonsense when we throw.

Like one of our pet phrases is [steely look in eye], "Are you ready for the final annihilation?!?"... and proceed to wing the ball really hard to the other. Haha!! It always cracks me up.

Tonight we played it again. We were bored, I suggested. Actually, most of the time when we 'throw ball'. It's a case of I beg, she gives in. Tonight it was more voluntary less obligatory on her part. Along the way, I started throwing really hard towards her unconsciously (tried to practice overarm), she was overwhelmed and said,

"Eh, not everyone is a softballer k! You hold a bat, I hold a pen."

hahahhahahaha.....hahaa....haa..

"What's so funny?"

"You make me sound like some brute."

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Softball. Somedays, I suck at it. But who cares? I still love it!


=D


It's jeremy's farewell-to-army party tonight, but it's too silly to go if you can't stay past midnight or drink too much cos of some early morning game tomorrow. Haizzz... Stupid weather. It's all the rain's fault! *pout*

Monday, September 03, 2007

Yours.

Is a stuuupid love.

Get that clear.

I miss the S B days....

Of being tu di to my shi fu.

Of laughing like mad due to funny colleagues.

Of LD gossiping at every opportunity.

Of being perpetually amused by the bl ur ad rea.

Of trying to convince shi fu that yes I really am lesbian. And she absolutely refuses to believe me, so I start declaring to kiss every girl in the shop (not such a bad thing if you look at the quality of the post a level-ers).

Of answering shi fu's weird questions like... "Would lesbians like me?".

Of mopping the floor ...somehow it's very therapeutic.

Of eating awesome lunches everyday.

But of cos...

I do not miss Su san, the wiry, tiny mouse-y figure who irritates me to no end.

I do not miss our fierce manager.

I do not miss rush hour at sandwich counter.

But most of all....

I miss making cappuccino.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Urgh. This sucks.

Yesterday I played 2 games in Kall ang, under some merciless dazzling sun and didn't get sub-ed throughout. And then when I got home, I fell ill with fever. Like... wth! Gosh I'm really not used to strenous conditions man. It's all that school-related inactivity and comfortable trainings in the evening weather.

But it really sucks to fall ill. Cos that meant I missed three games today. #$#$&*@!!! The only game I ever missed in 3-4 years of softball, was the nats against h c. And today, whamp! I've added 3 games to the list. Rahhh!! I know it seems silly to get riled up over missing a few games. But the thing is, I keep coming back to the sport becos it's the competition part that is thrilling, and entices me back. No matter how good or bad or nervous I might be in the game, I absolutely love every moment of it. Whether I screw up or do well, I still grin regardless, cos today, I got a precious opportunity to play.

Sigh... oh wells...

Fever was really quite crazy. My head felt like it was on fire. And my eyeballs felt like hot coals. That, plus I shivered like mad, but still had to stay up to source for my replacement tomorrow. Mommy came back late at night to sponge me and lower the temperature. But it was a futile affair. All the heat returned in like 10 minutes. But it was the headache which was the worst. I think it lasted from 7pm yesterday till 4pm today. The brains were pertually pounding (maybe cos it was fried on saturday afternoon). Was hoping to get better and perhaps go for the afternoon games, but everytime I stood up, my head felt like it was going to roll off my shoulders. Can't function properly at home, won't function outside either. So I couldn't even go down to support the team.

And I still have some remnants of headache left.

Sigh....

This weekend was supposed to be fun! Not holed up in my bed all day...



---------------

But at least for the 2 games I played, it was fun... for the moment. I didn't know the NT U guys were so strong. Maybe it's becos I only see the girls' team, and thus thought not many guys were going to play. And playing against cs was funny, their coach kept screaming at our strong male batters to ..."give chance lah!"

Oh wells, there's still next weekend. And this time round, I'll make sure I'll get sub-ed out =D